" i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss....and a prince i'm hoping comes with this....."
i just finished watching the movie "Enchanted" and as i said on the title, i am so enchanted with this movie!!! what's not to like? nandun na si mcdreamy, nandun pa si cyclops! they are both so good-looking ang sarap i-pause ng dvd just to stare at them both. it helps pa that james marsden knows how to sing!! sigh! kaka-in love! pero the real clincher for me is amy adams. i love her!! winner ang acting niya as a fairy-tale princess! gayang-gaya! i especially love her hand gestures and high, sing-songy voice!! and when she popped her head out of the window and sang to call out animal helpers, laugh trip!! favorite part was when mcdeamy and giselle were dancing and mcdreamy was singing to her. sigh. hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang kakiligan!
this movie reminded me of being a kid. i've always been a fan of the disney princesses and my favorite princess is cinderella. i think kaya ako hopeless romantic ngayon is because of watching all those fairytale cartoons when i was young (actually up to now, i still watch them. i can't help it!). sobrang fascinated ako with princesses meeting their princes and falling in love and living happily ever after. that's the part that really got to me, that you could live happily ever after. it just sounded so ideal. that you could meet and fall in love with just one person and that would be it. done deal na. what a reality check when i grew up and experienced for myself that true love doesn't mean happiness and it certainly doesn't mean ever after. but that hasn't disillusioned me. i am after all a hopeless romantic. i still dream that there is one person out there for me. i know i must sound so silly but it's true. i can't help it. that's just the way i am, i guess.
watching "Enchanted" just made me believe more that somewhere out there, i have my own prince. =)
 | nothing | Mar 16, '08 2:36 AM
for everyone |
i don't really know what to write about kaya lang my blog has been so dormant for over a month i just like i needed to "revive" it.
hmmmm. so. what can i write about? hmm. man, i seem so boring now. wala ako maisip to blog about it eh. i guess i just haven't been in the mood to write.
oh well. at least i tried.
p.s. just to illustrate how dormant my blog has been, i actually forgot what my sitename was! i had to look for my blog link in papu's blog to remember! kawawa naman. tsk.
| sad | Feb 5, '08 2:35 AM
for everyone |
i feel sad. i don't know why but i do. which is weird kasi i just came from a retreat and retreats are supposed to make you feel better right? i was happy yesterday, i'm just not happy anymore. feeling this way sucks. kasi i can't realy explain why i'm feeling this way. i just do. i remember tuloy what mikko said last night as we were going home from the retreat, " i don't remember the last time that i thought to myself that i was happy."
me too.
i don't remember the last time that at the end of the day naisip ko, "i'm happy."
everything in my life is going good right now. God has given me so much blessings that i have no reason to complain. and i'm not complaining. i love my job. i have great friends. i'm about to be part of a community again. things are definitely good right now. but for some unexplainable reason, i just feel sad. does that make sense?
sigh.
i need to pray on this.
1. Student number?
01-21261
2. College?
College of Home Economics (the name still makes me cringe. no offense to che people!)
3. Course?
BS FLCD
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Nope!
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
Math Building (feelin hindi na part ng UP sa layo)
6. Favorite GE subject?
Hum 2
7. Favorite PE?
Basketball (kahit na never ako maka-shoot)
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot girls/guys sa UP?
ummmmm.....AS??
9. Favorite prof(s)
ma'am eloi from hum2 (cool talaga yung subject na yun, promise!)
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
comm 3!
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
never!
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
yup. once. sa corregidor. habang bumabagyo! hehehehehe!
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
syempre! proud noh?!
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP FLCD. yun lang. tamad ako mag-org eh.
15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
flcd tambayan or yellow-orange house (meron ba nun? basta yung nasa AS na caf)
16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
bahay- super commuter ako nung college eh.. LP to QC everyday!!!
17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun (Given ang mentality mo nung HS ka)?
Psych
18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
i forgot her name. basta friend siya nila rica and rachel from upis. katabi ko nung orientation.
19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
i forgot already. oedipus rex ata.
20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
UP JMA (?)
21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP. i wouldn't really know. clueless ako sa orgs eh.
22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
nope. i'm not really soro material.
23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
sa CHE or katips
24. Masaya ba sa UP?
YES!!! best school ever!!!
25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
nope. tamad ako eh. uwi na lang ako kesa sumama sa rally. hehehehe.
26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
once lang. when lois ran for rep.
27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
hmmm. stand-up, i think.
28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
not really. all i wanted was to graduate on time.
29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang ATOM. wahahahahahaha! in fairness, naging classmate ko siya sa STS! and i was thisclose to having him as a groupmate kaya lng mahiyain kami kaya nobody had the guts to ask him to join our group. (that was embarassing!)
30. Kung hindi ka UP anong school ka?
UST
 i just finished watching "The Last King of Scotland" and wow...ang galing nung movie. now, i understand why forest whittaker won an Oscar. ang galing niya nga tlga. he was a convincing Amin. i had no clue who Amin was before this movie kaya after watching it i googled him and man, he was HORRIBLE! tapos yung mga nangyari dun sa movie was real tlga. what he did to his wife?! oh my god!!!!! how can any sane human being think of doing that?! napaka-gruesome! (for the sake of people who haven't seen the movie and might be interested to see it, i won't mention specifically what happens.) tapos yung ginawa niya kay james mcavoy near the end of the film?! seriously!!! napaka-twisted ng mind niya!!! i was seriously cringing when i was watching that scene. tinakpan ko na nga yung eyes ko kasi hindi ko tlga kaya. pero just my luck, the exact moment na pinakita si james mcavoy being hoisted up, dun pa ako nag-decide na tumingin! (sorry guys. medyo may spoiler ako na-mention)
i wasn't really interested with the movie. lagi ko lang siya naririnig before lalo na nung nanalo si forest (first-name basis na kami. hehehehehe.). kasi naman i didn't really care any about Uganda pero while i was channel-surfing kanina i chanced upon it and just decided to watch it for the heck of it. after a few scenes, i couldn't stop watching na. kahit na tempted na ako ilipat yung channel kasi nga may mga gruesome scenes, my curiosity got the better of me and i wanted to see what would happen next. to me that's what makes a good movie, if you can't stop yourself from watching what happens next. then again, baka mababaw lang talaga ako kaya i kept on watching the movie. plus, it helped that james mcavoy was there. if his name sounds familiar that's because he's the leading guy in the movie atonement (which i hear is a pretty good movie too). ok- i heart him na! i love his scottish accent! sigh! what's with guys and their accents?! i mean, take gerard butler and his irish accent in P.S. i love you, for instance (sidenote: WATCH P.S. I love you!!!!!!). nakaka-in love sila pakinggan! seryoso gusto ko na pumunta sa scotland and ireland! hehehehehehe! there's just something about the way they talk. they sound so warm and damn charming! plus, they look pretty hot too! now, i want to watch atonement kasi nandun si james mcavoy.
 i just had to post his picture somewhere in this blog...hehehehe
going back to the last king of scotland, it made me think that kahit na magulo na sa pinas, things could be much worse. i may sound stupid for saying this pero we might as well thank our lucky stars that kahit na maraming kurakot sa gobyerno hindi pa naman sila as twisted as Amin (hopefully). but still, it doesn't, in anyway, justify corruption by our politicians. i don't think anything can justify corruption. it's just bad. okay, enough about politics.
would i recommend watching the last king of scotland? if just for james mcavoy, YES! but more than that, it's a really good movie. although parang dapat nasa tamang frame of mind ka kapag pinanonood mo kasi nga it's not lighthearted. there will be parts na nakakasakit ng puso. so be prepared.
last thursday, december 20, was my last day for the year kasi i was going to san francisco for the christmas break. super excited pa ako when i woke up kasi nga last day ko na. and that night was also going to be my kids' christmas show for the school. so i got ready and put together all my stuff for work. akala ko i got my car and house keys in my jacket pocket already so tuloy-tuloy lakad na ako palabas ng bahay. when i was halfway to my car i suddenly thought to myself, "wouldn't it be funny if i left my keys inside the house? paano kaya yun?" sabay ngiting-ngiti pa ako while thinking this and then to reassure myself that i did have my keys with me kinapa ko yung pocket ko. and what do you know?! siyempre, WALA yung keys ko sa pocket ko. i locked myself out of the house! i couldn't go to work kasi pati car keys ko nandun din. seriously, i froze in my tracks. talagang napa-"you gotta be kidding me" ako out loud. and then i ran back to the house hoping against hope that i didn't lock the door properly. but no such luck. i ahd to call somebody to come pick me up and bring me to work. but na lang there was somebody in the area kung hindi ewan ko na lang. tambay ako sa harap ng bahay namin, out on the cold the whole day. locking myself out must have been the sign of worse things to come. we were going to have our christmas show that night so i wanted my kids to practice our song but no- my kids refused to cooperate. as in lahat sila ayaw kumanta at all. sobrang frustration ko napaiyak na tlga ako. that's not all. two of my kids had poopie accidents and then one peed all over himself and i had to clean them all up! seriously, feeling ko tlaga nung time na yun the heavens were conspiring against me. sigh. i couldn't wait for the day to end kaya nga lang may christmas show pa kami sa gabi kaya i knew it was going to be a long day.
 don't they look cute in their kimonos?!
ok na sana yung christmas show eh. my kids looked way cute in their kimonos and we did an ok job singing our song. i was surprised that my kids didn't get stage fright. asus, nag-aagawan pa sa mic. as in they were all crowding over the mic and todo nakadikit na bibig nila sa mic. ang cute nila tlga and the parents were all happy and telling us that we did good pero nakakainis tlga meron isang panira na parents. they got upset kasi apparently they didn't know na may costume pala yung kids while singing so nakatayo lang yung kid nila na wala costume, out of place. kasalanan ba namin if they don't read their kid's daily report?! they were blaming us for excluding their child eh hello naman noh for the whole month of december naka-post sa bulletin board namin lahat ng info for the xmas show. hindi kasi sila nagbabasa kaya clueless sila! aarrggghh! when i remember them and how they talked to me and my assistant kumukulo dugo ko talaga! pero siyempre kami pa din yung nag-apologize kasi parents sila eh. hay, minsan tlga nakakapikon yung iba kong parents. fortunately, nothing bad happened after that. when i got home i just finished packing my bag for my trip to cali and then did the laundry. thank God wala na nangyari kundi tlgang hindi ko na kaya yon. feeling ko God was kidding with me kasi i was leaving for my vacation na the next day kaya parang naisip niya "Akala mo makakatakas ka noh?! akala mo lang yun!" thinking back on it i guess mas na-appreciate ko na magbabakasyon ako after the long day i had kaya in the end, it was all good. pero sana naman that never happens again. nakakaloka eh!
earlier tonight, we had a staff meeting in my school. it was the usual thing: reminding the teachers to be on time, not calling out at the last, all those kind of stuff. by the end of the meeting, i was ready to go home. i'd been at work since 9 in the morning. it was almost 8 pm and i was ready to go home- believe me, i wasn't the only one. but before any of us could get out the door, our director asked us a question that really made me think. the question was simple enough, "why did you choose to be a teacher?" the question might have been simple but it made me think.
why did i become a teacher?
it certainly never occurred to me as a kid to be one. i'd always wanted to be a doctor and even when i was in college i was still intent on pursuing that goal but things changed. medical school would have been to expensive an endeavor to pursue so i opted out. but even then i didn't think i would be a teacher. around graduation time, i was trying to figure out what job i could get that was in no way related to my degree. one day i was scrambling around for a job- any job, and then the next day, i was being interviewed for a teaching position and actually getting hired. and so i began my career as a teacher. it's not really the most inspiring story but that's how it happened.
i think the real question for me is, why do i stick around? i mean, if i didn't really want to be here i could just find another job. no loss. now that thought, REALLY made me think and the answer i came up with was actually very simple. heck, some people might even find me baduy.
i stick around, i go to work everyday because of the kids. it does something to my heart when i enter my room and all my kids stop what they're doing and trip over themselves to get to me just to greet me good morning and give me a hug. i feel a great sense of accomplishment when my Russian-speaking little girl tells me one word in english and insists on giving me a kiss every five minutes. they drive me crazy half the time but they also crack me up with stuff like saying "my eyes are cold" (one of my kids actually said that). being a teacher is easy and hard at the same time (if that makes sense). but i like it.
i don't know how long this feeling lasts. ask me in a year or two and i might be going mad and itching to find another job. but for right now, i think i'll stick around. you never know what crazy thing my kids might say next.
i was checking my email today and i opened one from francis (who was a highschool classmate). anyways, it was a link to youtube of a uaap/dlsu game. it was funny because there was this one guy all dressed in red on the other's team side cheering for la salle. hahahaha. sana hindi siya nabugbog or something after the game. so after watching it, i started to check out other dlsu videos and after watching a couple of them i couldn't stop myself from feeling nostalgic. and i didn't even go to dlsu! what's up with that?! it's just that as far as i can remember, i have always been a dlsu fan. as in i loved their basketball team. highschool pa lang ako i would be watching their games na, i'm not really sure what drew me to their team but i was hooked and there was nothing i could do about it. kahit na when i went to college and went to UP, basta sa UAAP, dlsu ako kampi. it didn;t help that the UP men's basketball team sucked, big time. tapos mga classmate ko pa sila in my classes and it didn't really help their image much in my book kasi they weren't that good in classes either.
aside from feeling nostalgic, i felt lonely. i miss pinas. i miss home. even though i've been here a total of almost 2 years, pinas pa din is my home. i still want to go back. i still don't see myself living here forever. i don't know. maybe it's just for now kasi i don't get to go out very much and hang out and stuff but it just doesn't feel home here. i miss my family, my friends, hanging out at the house until the wee hours of morning. talking to people on the phone over nothing and everything. i miss the feeling of security (i'm not even sure it's security that i feel, it's...something) that i have when i'm there that i don't feel here.
i hate to sound ungrateful of all the things that i have here in the US. i'm not. i don't hate my life here. how could i? i have a job. i have my own car. i get to go to places i've never been to. i can go shopping when i want to. i have people here that have made me part of their family. i am not lacking in anything come to think of it. there's just this feeling that's missing. i don't know if i'm making sense. i'm probably not but that's how i feel now.
maybe it will change in time. maybe it's just a phase i'm going through right now. maybe.
who would have ever thought that a simple dlsu youtube video would make me feel all this?! sigh.
i think it's safe to say that everybody (well, almost everybody) wants to go to new york city. maybe it's because of all the hype about the city and all the books and movies made about it AND in it. well, whatever the reason may be, i am one of the everybody that has always wanted to see for myself what was so magical (a better word escapes me right now) about new york. admittedly, i had been to new york a couple of times but it was always with my family and we were always in a hurry. we didn't really take the time to take in the sights. so parang kulang pa din.last weekend, i finally went to new jersey to visit my aunt and cousin there. of course, since i was there already i HAD to go to NEW YORK CITY (!!!) coz it was just a river away from jersey. the plan was for me and a couple of friends to go but because of a variety of reasons i ended up just going with mikko. days before the trip, me and mikko made plans for the trip, like places we wanted to see while we were at ny and all that stuff. let me just say na-amaze ako sa google earth. it gave you the actual bird's eye view of any place you want to see. i tried looking for my house sa pinas pero it didn't work out. but still, ang galing ng google earth. going back to the subject. we took the bus to ny. it was supposed to take a little over 4 hours to get ther by bus. hay nako! sobrang walang organization yung bus sa dc chinatown. super unahan to get into the bus at muntik pa kaming pababain. good thing may mga mataray na passengers who refused to get down kaya we got to stay in the bus. after more than two hours on the road we made a pit stop and i thought we were maybe midway to new york but no! we got down on the bus and found out that we were still in freaking maryland! tama ba yun??!! OA sa traffic getting out of dc and getting into the highway that it took us almost hours to get to ny! when we reached ny, we got off at chinatown. i thought it was gonna be kind of scary but it actually wasn't. kahit na we were in a completely new place and we didn't really know exactly where we were, it felt safe. is that weird? or maybe i'm just being naive. anyways, jay (my cousin) picked us up and we had a late dinner at a thai place and then just drove around the city. i was so excited i wanted to take pictures kahit na nasa loob ako ng car but nahiya ako sa cousin ko kaya i stopped myself. i couldn't wait for the next day. i mean, this is new york! i've read so many books set in new york that i was so excited to see it for real myself. this time it was going to be different kasi i had all the time in the world to walk around and explore.
saturday came and we walked around greenwich village. we got to see the nyu campus too. i don't know how i would be able to study in a school when right outside it is new york. i would always be distracted, i imagine. but how lucky for these kids that they can go and study in ny. nakakainggit. we also went into so many shops i can't remember any of their names anymore. i had to stop myslef from splurging and shopping, lalo na for shoes kasi there were so many places that were on sale. aaahhhh! buti na lang after that we went to the MET. the MET is amazing! i felt awed by all these paintings that were in there. grabe. ang galing! it made me wish i was more artistic and i could paint. there was an exhibit of rembrandt's paintings there and kahit na i'm not really a big fan of his it was still great to actually be able to see an actual painting of his kasi before, all i knew of him was that his name was one of the many section names we had in seton when i was in third grade. to actually see one of his paintings, priceless. there were a lot of pieces that caught my attention but i really liked these paintings that was like paintings within a painting. ang kulit. hehehe. it was a very tiring day kasi we were walking all day long and we didn't even eat lunch until 5 or 6 in the afternoon. but still, it was FUN!
     
 we went home monday morning and unlike the trip to ny, the trip going home was short (thankfully). there are still a lot of places that i didn't get to see but all in all, it was great! i had fun, i got to see the sights, i got to spend time with my cousin, it was all good. i can't wait for next time. =)
| too late | Sep 19, '07 9:20 PM
for everyone |
i woke up this morning to a text message from my mom. my cousin, ate oggie, had passed away yesterday. it jolted me up from my bed. i had no idea that she was that sick already. you see, my ate oggie had been in remission for 6 years already and apparently the cancer came back and this time around it never went away. i felt so guilty because i didn't even know that she was in the hospital. since i came here, a couple of months ago, i had lost contact with my family (except of course for my mom and siblings). the last time that i had seen ate oggie was right before i went back here.
ate oggie was like my nanny when i was much younger. but instead of telling us what NOT to do, siya pa yung nagtuturo sa amin ng mga kalokohan. young as we were kung anu-ano na mga nalalaman ko because of her. sobrang saya whenever she was at the house. i remember me and meann would always beg her to stay at the house. and she would always give in to us. always. kahit na boring daw sa bahay namin kasi ang layo sa sibilisasyon. "sacrifice" niya na daw yung pag-stay sa bahay kasi love niya kami. as i got older her visits got fewer. i guess, i kind of outgrew her already and feeling busy na ako doing my own stuff. but whenever we would visit them in manila, lagi pa din si ate oggie yung ka-"hang out" ko. she always had stories to tell, gossips to share and i was always a captivated listener. when i first found out she had cancer, i couldn't believe it. na-shock ako when i saw her at the hospital. she was a completely different person. but when she went into remission, the ate oggie i knew was back. back with her stories, gossips and kalokohan. so i just thought ok na ulit. and i went on with my life. ngayon ko lang naiisip that i never spent enough time with her. i should have visited her more often. called her up more. i feel so bad that i just slacked off with my relationship with her and now it's too late for me to tell her that she meant so much to me.
bakit kaya ganun noh? we always realize too late all the things that we could have- should have done. it's like we just take for granted people in our lives until they're gone and there's no way for us to bring them back and let them know how much they meant to us.
at this point, i should say that i've learned my lesson and i promise not to take things for granted anymore but the thing is, after a few months (maybe even just weeks), i'll probably forget about it and go back to my old ways. i'll go back to living my life and just come to my senses when another one of my loved one dies. that's bad. i don't want it to happen but it probably would and then all i have would be regrets.
sigh.
MY FREAKING CAR GOT TOWED AND NOW I HAVE TO PAY OVER 300 BUCKS TO GET IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! P@#$^&INA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ido-donate ko na nga lang yung old car ko mato-tow pa!!!!! on the day na kukunin pa ha!!!!! na-late lng ng konti yung donating company kunin yung car ko na-tow na ng homeowner's association!!!! ano ba?????!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just got a new car. it's actually a new used car but still, it's my first real investment. i already had an old car. it was a 1994 saturn and if you know how to count you would know that it's ancient. pero kahit na super old na yung car ko it was still working ok. by ok i mean that it jerked back when i put it on reverse and it made a very weird (and loud) screeching sound every morning when i started it. so obviously it was time for a change. but i thought i could still wait for a couple more months before even thinking of buying a new car but all that changed when i had my car checked out. evidently super messed up ng nung car and it needed so much repairs it would cost me almost 2000 bucks to get it fixed. aba naman! i bought the car for 5oo bucks! it would have been stupid to pay all that money eh pwede na for downplayment yun. so started the crash course on car loans, interest rates, monthly payments and everything related to cars. thank God that i lived with people who worked in a bank. they all helped me out and gave me tips and eveyrthing. i seriosuly wouldn't have known what to do without twinks, tito and tita.
so after getiting a loan i started looking for a car na. i looked at almost every site online for cars. syempr i found a lot of cars but almost none that fit my small budget. it got even harder to find a car when me and tito went to dealerships. i was really aiming for a honda or a toyota but wala tlga kaming makita. i almost got pressured into buying an aveo. buti na lang i held off kasi when i googled it, i found out it was a loser car. so i went home and tried to look online just for the heck of it. and i actually found a car exactly what i was looking for. it was totally God-sent. when i went over to look at it, it was great. it looked like it was new even though it was a 2001 civic. ha! finally the search was over. i found MY car and it totally fit my budget (which was really important).
getting a loan, buying a new car, these things just make me feel even more of an adult now. i mean, i know i'm an adult now. i have responsibilities and duties that i never had when i was still in school. pero all these things just make it even more real, you know? there are times i feel so overwhelmed by all of this but i wouldn't trade it for anything else. hey, this is life, right.
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i just found out from my sister that i person i used to know really well was getting married and i just couldn't help myself from thinking about it and dwelling on the news a little bit. this person (who shall remain nameless, although if you knew/know me, you probably have an idea who he is. o ha, may clue na kayo) was a huge and important part of my past. there was a time i considered him my world although i never though of it that way when we were together. it's been so long and i'm fine now and i've moved on and we both have separate lives but still this news gave me a pause. i don't feel hurt or pain because of the news. sa totoo lang, good for him. it's just that i feel (for the lack of a better word) weird about it. maybe because he used to be with me and for a time i thought we would be together forever. i'm not bothered by the fact that he's getting married i just am weirded out by it. does that make sense? should i be bothered that i'm affected. sigh. weird lang talaga. tumatanda na tlaga ako. isipin mo somebody i used to love is getting married na?!
sigh.
i feel kind of sad for myself kasi i'm still by myself while he's getting married already. oh well. that's life. dadating din naman yung para sa akin. hindi pa lang talaga ngayon.
if you (you-who-shall-remain-nameless) ever do stumble upon this, i wish you well. seriously. from the bottom of my heart.
today- was not a good day. i got the new work shifts that we're having for the fall semester and i was surprised to find out that i got bumped to a later shift. you see, right now i have the 700 am-430 pm shift and i love it. i get to go home early and do other things that i don't have enough time to do at work, like write lesson plans and prepare activities for the kids. ayoko ng late shift kasi the time just seems to drag on during the afternoon kasi napakatagal sunduin nung mga kids ko tapos whenever one kid gets picked up, another kid from another class gets bumped up to my room. parang tapunan ng mga late sunduin yung room ko. hay nako. nakakabaliw when they get picked up late kasi sobrang restless na nila because they know their parents are coming and they're just off the hook. kaya ayoko ng late shift. tapos today, without any warning at all, the management suddenly changed my shift. now, 900 am- 630 pm na ako. nakakainis!!! more than the fact that i got a later shift (i know, medyo mababaw lang yun) i am pissed off kasi they didn't have the consideration- the decency, to talk to me about it. lead teachers are supposed to have the first priority when it comes to work shifts pero ano toh???!!! just because hindi ko ka-close yung mga nasa management they just decided to do things without telling me. paano kaya kung hindi ako pwede ng 9oo-630?! what if i just decided to screw them over??!! it pisses me off so much that they think i'm such a pushover that will just agree to everything that they say. this one of those times that i really feel na hindi equal yung treatment sa akin compared to the other employees just because sponsored ako ni mazhar. akala niya talaga ok lang kahit ano ok sa akin kasi i had no right to complain dahil he sponsored me. bad trip kasi everything na lang utang na loob ko sa kanya. sigh. i'm pissed off. hindi ba obvious?!
the weather was so overcast and gray today that i had no choice but to just bum around the house. lalo na pa when it started raining. ahhh, such a perfect day to do---absolutely nothing. today's weather was just so conducive to being lazy that even though i had some important things to do today i just couldn't find the willpower to go out of the house. except when i went to the church to hear mass, hindi na ako lumabas ng bahay. i just cuddled on the couch and read a book and sleep. para akong lola but who cares?! masarap kaya magbasa when it's raining outside. i don't know what it is with the rainy weather that just makes people so lethargic. or maybe i'm just making excuses for myself dahil tamad lang talaga ako. hehe. but it was nice to just hang out at the house and not to have to worry about being late to work and all that stuff. there's going to be more than enough time for me to think about all my worries and problems tomorrow.
my mind is always preoccupied with things to do, problems to be resolved and worries that never seem to run out that sometimes i just want to scream. kaya i thank god for days like this when i am given a timeout to just not think at all. to not worry about my financial situation, my family's condition sa pinas, my job and my boss from hell, my......life. of how i seem to be living but not really LIVING at all. i mean, i have a job and i earn moeny and i am able to help out my family now but i still feel as lost and aimless as i did when i was younger. the sad thing is, i am NOT young naymore and that by this time i should have some kind of idea of how i want my life to be. but no. hoenstly, i might say that i want to go back to school and earn my masters and all that shit but after other than that i haven't a clue as to what to do with my life. maybe i'm jujst overthinking things. who was even the person who perpetuated the idea that you should have a plan for your life. why can't you just live your life one day at a time? take things as they come? just...live for the sake of living. but come to think of it, there are people out there who live just like that. with no worries about what's going to happen to them tomorrow. who just take everything in a stride. maybe the thing is, i am not one of them. i just can't be so out of control of my life and leave everything to god or to chance or to fate or to whoever decides these kind of things. maybe that's my probelm. hay ewan! sometimes my thoughts just get so tangled up in my head i don't make sense, even to myself so am stopping now with my aimless thoughts and ramblings.
for now, i am simply going to content myself to doing nothing and enjoying every last minute of it.
when the first two harry potter books came out i was already in highschool and i didn't really care much about it. i didn't understand what the big fuss was all about since it was a children's book. i thought it would be too immature and childish for me. so for the longest time i refused to read any of the harry potter books. and then, i don't even know why exactly, i decided to give it a chance. i think by that time i was in college already and lo and behold- i LOVED it! harry potter and his gang captured my imagination. i especially liked ron and his entire family, the weasleys. they were just so endearing and funny without even trying. after reading the first book, wala na, i was hooked.
so just imagine how much i looked forward to the final book. i mean, this was it. the end. the book that would hopefully answer all the questions that had been mounting since the first book started. sa sobrang pagka-excited ako, like the true nerd that i am, i got my book at 1245 am of july 21. dapat 12 midnight kaya lang i watched the harry potter movie muna kaya na-late na ako. hahaha. friday night was potter-overdose. first, the movie and then the book. at kahit na umaga na and i was sleepy i just had to start reading it. i couldn't wait. i only stopped reading when i could barely understand what i was reading kasi sobrang antok na antok na ako. i wanted to just stay home and read the book the whole saturday pero i was going to watch the MYMP concert dito sa amin kaya i had to stop (totally out of topic but since na-mention ko na din, ang galing ni juris kumanta! ang ganda pa niya! super petite niya! parang 1/4 ko lng siya, which is very depressing on my part). anyways, going back to the topic, i couldn't resist myself and i brought the book with me. who cared if i looked like a nerd?! totoo naman yun eh. hehehe. surprisingly, i wasn't the only one who had the same idea. there were maybe 4 or 5 people there who had their books with them too. you might be wondering how i could actually count the people who had their books with them. well kasi hindi naman super laking auditorium yung concert venue. it was in a small pinoy resto lang.
i finally finished the book on sunday. actually monday na kasi it was past 12 midnight na. i couldn't put down the book kasi sobrang ganda niya. i was so caught up with the book para akong tanga kasi i was crying and laughing while reading the book. all throughout the book i was doing a body count of everyone who was dying kasi i wanted to make sure how many were dead just to confirm all the rumors na 6 daw or 7 daw yung mamamatay. i could see the whole book in my mind like it was a movie. grabe! aaahhhh! all i can say is once the movie version of this book comes out, it is going to be phenomenal! it really is the perfect ending to the whole harry potter saga. it answered all the questions that i had and explained everything so clearly. sobrang gandang closure nung book. sobrang emotionally involved ako to the whole story that feeling ko din j.k. rowling gave me closure too. everytime somebody died, i cried for them. everytime harry succeeded feeling ko din i overcame a big hurdle. i know it sounds kind of crazy pero that's just the way i am when i read a book or watch a movie. i just can't help it. sobrang galing nung twist sa ending with snape. i know, i know, that's only detail that i will talk about here. i'll stop writing na kasi i might divulge something more from the book. i might not be a die-hard fan of harry potter in the sense that as much as i love harry potter i draw the line with dressing up as a witch (even for me, OA na yun), but i can really say that harry potter was really a big part of my life and now that it's all over parang feeling ko there's a void that needs to be filled. i know it sounds so melodramatic pero i have a feeling that i'm not the only one who feels this way. harry potter will be missed, i'm sure.
whenever people find out that i work in a daycare they always have the same reaction "i don't know how you do it!". i kid you not that is exactly what they say everytime. when i hear this, all i can do is smile because honestly i really don't have a clue how i do it either. working with kids more than 8 hours a day, 5 days a week is EXTREMELY tiring and can be surprisingly frustrating at times. seriously, i don't get paid enough to do what i do. i am a mother and teacher to all these kids at the same time and it really takes a lot out of me. more than that, sobrang big responsibility nung job that when i think about it it's kinda scary. i mean, anything i do or say can greatly affect these kids' lives. seriously, i don't want my kids to grow up and say that their preschool teacher (me) traumatized them or something.
i didn't set out to be a teacher. i don't even think that i wanted to be a teacher when i was a kid. i always wanted to be a doctor and i really thought that that would be what i would end up to be. pero because of reasons that i don't even want to think about, that didn't happen and i ended up here- in a foreign country, molding young minds (baduy ko, man!). funny how things work out sometimes. oh well. siguro god has plans for me that i just can't quite figure out yet. pero i am so thankful that i'm here right now. i know that me being here is a blessing kaya i am making the most of the time i have here. right now i'm not sure if i'm meant to be here or not but since i don't know yet, i'm just going to work my butt off in my work and hope that everything works out. even if that means i always have to go home feeling i need to pass out everyday.
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when i started out writing this blog i just felt so tired with work pero now i feel kinda (as in kinda lang ha) compensated for all the work i put kasi i got EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. woohoo! the prizes? well, a month's worth of parking space na may sign saying employee of the month and a hundred bucks tax-free. it's not much pero pwede na rin. =)
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i can't even think of one word to describe it. it's that ..... ha! still can't describe it. basta, you have to watch it and see for yourself what i'm talking (or more accurately, not talking) about!
i never really thought what happens next after i got a car. i was just so happy to be driving around and not having to commute that it didn't occur to me that i would have to actually take care of it. i mean, i'm good with keeping my car clean- the inside of the car anyway. never ko pa napa-car wash yung kotse since i got last april. but i'm pretty good in vacuuming it and making sure there's no stray trash in it and stuff like that. but i never realized that i would have to be the one to actually maintain the whole thing. crap! ang mahal pala mag-maintain ng car. tapos my car pa is super old na so madami na talaga dapat ayusin.
just last week, i went out of the house to go to work and saw that one of my back (ay, rear pala ang correct term) tires was almost out of air. medyo nag-panic ako. for a minute there i didn't know what to do. buti nlng it lasted for maybe just 5 seconds and i figured out what to do. i didn't change the tire because like a typical helpless girl i don't know how to change a tire plus wala naman akong spare. i did the next best thing (in my opinion anyway), i went to the gas station and put air in my tire. never mind that i'd never had to put air in a tire before kasi sa pinas may mga gas boys that would do it for me. i figured out what to do after about 10 minutes of looking stupidly at my tire and the air hose. i don't know if may butas na yung tire ko or what but i didn't have time to check and i just drove it to work. thank god malapit lang yung work ko kundi patay na. i wouldn't have been able to report for work at all. i've now replaced 2 tires kasi yun pa lang ang kaya ng budget ko. next payday na yung 2 other tires. aside from that i have to buy new wiper blades. aba! i never knew wiper blades were expensive. one wiper blade costs more than 25 bucks. ano ba yan?! a pair would be 5o+ bucks!! grabe na toh!
aside from that, i have to get the engine fixed kasi it just makes weird squeaking sounds at odd moments. nakakahiya nga when i drive off from the parking lot at school, super rinig na rinig ng mga parents when they're there. ang dami pang mga kailangan ayusin kasi i have to get it registered before october sa MVA. grabe talaga, nakaka-overwhelm!
hay..i know i'm complaining but don't get me wrong, i love my car. i just wish it wasn't such a hassle and an expensive one at that.
i'm not really a club-goer kind of person but i really think i have to go out. i was watching my 3-year old kids today as they were dancing in the room with bubbles being blown to them and i realized that i haven't gone out in ages. buti pa yung mga kids ko, they where having a blast. talo pa ako! sila may bubbles pa while dancing! my kids probably had a better time than i've had for the longest time. it's funny but sort of sad at the same time. nakakalungkot that 3-year old kids are partying more than i am. granted that they were partying in school but still! they're just 3 yrs. old! they don't really care. sigh.
anyways, this week was my 1st week in my new class and it went better than i thought it would be. siguro kasi instead of 20 kids, i only had 15 kids at most this week and believe me 5 kids less makes all the difference in the world when you're dealing with a roomful of 3-yr. olds. even with just 15 kids, it was still very tiring. i had to get used to a roomful of kids screaming their heads off just for the heck of it. kahit sumigaw ako hindi ko pa din sila masapawan. buti na lang yung assistant ko super loud mouth kaya she does the screaming and yelling for me. i also had to get used to kids talking, as in yung naiintindihan mo yung sinasabi kasi my old class, they talked pero it was all gibberish. in my new class, ang daldal nila nakakapagod na sila pakinggan. and man, the words they say sometimes. i was playing with some kids one day and i heard one child say f**king! ay talaga! at first, i couldn't believe what i heard kaya hindi ko muna pinansin. baka kasi imagination ko lng pero when i heard the kid say it again, totoo na talaga toh. i had to keep myself from yelling at him. parents should really be more careful with what they say around their kids, lalo na with the age group that i have. hay nako. tapos may isa pa akong kid that sings songs that he shouldn't be singing at his age. out of nowhere bigla na lang kakanta ng "umbrella" or "party like a rock star". nakakatawa siya pero inappropriate yung kinakanta niya. hehehe. all these new things- i will definitely need some getting used to all this.
siguro kaya i'm breaking out. ang dami kasing changes happening to me right now. nakakainis! ang dami kong pimples it's not even funny.
hopefully everything gets better next week. i'm crossing my fingers. =)
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